Being intimate with this moment

I usually put honey in my coffee. And most of it sinks to the bottom and I look forward to that last sip that is especially sweet. But I have come up against a huge problem (I say huge just to be dramatic). I am rushing through the coffee, burning my tongue, and always wishing that last honey saturated sip was a little longer. I call this – CONSTANT DISATIFACTION. This is not limited to how I drink my coffee. I sometimes find myself wishing I were older, thinner, more successful, etc. and I am missing out on the richness of my current life.

Another example. I think of my cousin at 25 busting her ass to finish nursing school and living on the hope that once she finishes her life will be better. Then she graduates, and then the next “I will be happen when…” phrase manifests, “I will be happy when I have a job”. We have all fallen victim to this scenario of trying to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I think in some respects this represents our hope (which is a beautiful thing)…or it is our crutch that gets us through hard times (totally necessary)… BUT soon it becomes a full-fledged sickness.

In the example with my cousins, she was lucky enough to confide in my uncle her frustrations, and this is what he said, “I hear you. You are disappointed, frustrated, and you can’t wait till your big break… but here is the truth - THIS IS YOUR LIFE”. It may sound harsh (that is the Volpicelli way), but he is right. This moment is your life, and there is nowhere to be but here. You are breathing. You have someone to vent to. You have your sanity. And if we can just refocus our energy on this specific moment we can see how lucky we are.

“Be happy for this moment, for this moment is your life”.

There are so many times I hear things like, “stop worrying about what is to come” or “don’t chase the pot of gold” or other negative phrases. So I want to leave you with positive phrases to repeat back to yourself when you are rushing through your coffee.

-be intimate with this moment

-be grateful for this day, because it will never come again

-be ok with where you are

“Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.” –Bob Marley

I am embarrassed

After a long break from blogging, I think this is the best confession to make- I have been trying to avoid feeling embarrassed. I have been thinking of all the people out there that would be reading this blog and think I was silly, dumb, or arrogant. But this fear is what this blog is going to be about.

When we continue to protect ourselves to save face, are we stifling our success? Are we so concerned about our image that we don’t say what’s really on our mind? Are we so fearful of being judged that we opt out of events? Are we so afraid of going after what we really want that we end up sitting in our own shit?

Batgirl, my cat, my inspiration for life, has taught me a valuable lesson. When she wants a piece of turkey she hops right on the counter and takes that shit. She doesn’t get inside her head and think about the fact that she shouldn’t be on the counter or that the food isn’t for her - she just does it. Animal instincts baby. I am so jealous of this. I feel like I think about all the reasons something is wrong, rather than making an action plan and snatching what I want. Batgirl also doesn’t worry about the humiliation she might endure if I push her off the counter and she doesn’t get her turkey. It seems like there is no concept of failure built into her mind. How can we, as people, have this?

What I have found what works for me- I remind myself to act in LOVE & FAITH. This is my way of lessening my concept of failure. It may sound lame, but let me explain. Why not think of ourselves in the best way possible and believe that good things will come to us? For example, if I get in a fight with a friend, I choose to return to the idea of love & faith - I know I love my friend and I have faith that she will see my love. Or if you have a job interview - remember that you would love this position (or love the money) and have faith that the company will see your love and love you back. It sounds hippyish, I know, but if you can choose your thoughts, then why not choose to be optimistic about yourself and the world around you. And lets just say your friend doesn’t forgive you, or that you didn’t get that job… once again come back to the idea of LOVE & FAITH and see that the world has other plans for you.

With that being said, I am having faith that my readers find me lovable, I am going to continue to channel my inner Batgirl so that I can get what I want out of life, and I am basking in the happiness of blogging once again.

“EMBARRASSMENT IS A POINTLESS EMOTION THAT ONLY SERVES TO CONFUSE AND OVER EXAGGERATE REALITY”

“When I feel FEAR, I choose instead to LOVE” 

clean your car

So for about.... umm two weeks now I have driven around with a bird-shit-stained, filthy car. And today I went to the car wash!

As I drove home I could see things clearly.

Coincidentally last week was the worst week ever. I am not going to get into it because… TODAY I have cleaned my windshield and have a new handle on life.

“don’t let yesterday use up too much of today”.

I think we could all take a couple moments to clean our minds. Instead of trudging around, perpetuating the same bad attitude, carrying out the same bad decisions, or making the same judgments… let's start fresh! Just as bad as an ugly car looks driven around, so too does an ugly mind.

And believe me, I get it! I have bad fucking days, I make really bad decisions, and I really can’t stand some people… but that was yesterday. Today I am going to be zen. I have a clean car, good friends, big goals, and everything else is just bullshit.

“you can’t make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it’s no longer a mistake, it’s a choice”.

we must throw our own sticks

It has been a long time since a post, but I came across this excerpt and i felt like i needed to share it with all the people i know who are approaching or are in the midst of a QUARTER LIFE CRISIS.

It's about this guy and his dog...

"If then i bend over and pick up a stick, he is instantly before me. the great thing has now happened. he has a mission.... it never occurs to him to evaluate the mission. his dedication is solely to its fulfillment. he runs or swims any distance, over or through any obstacle, to get that stick.

and, having got it, he brings it back: for his mission is not simply to get it but to return it. yet, as he approaches me, he moves more slowly. he wants to give it to me and give closure to his task, yet he hates to be done with his mission, to again be in the position of waiting.

for him as for me, it is necessary to be in the service of something beyond the self. until i am ready he must wait. he is lucky to have me throw his stick. i am waiting for God to throw mine. have been waiting a long time. who knows when, if ever, he will again turn his attention to me."

We have all gone and fetched a stick and walked back very slowly knowing that that chapter of our lives was over. change is rough.

I remember when i graduated from college and thought to myself, "I wish someone would just tell me what to do, and I'll do it".

so much freedom to do whatever. to pick up any stick. but i was too scared and wanted to push the responsibility onto someone else. and for the guy in the story, he is waiting for God to throw him a stick. I'm not going to get all religious and shit, but alz i know is....

I'm going to throw my own stick and see what happens.

in the waiting line

Sometimes I feel like I am rushing to the future. I don’t want to sit and wait for someone to call me, so I call them. I don’t wait for the suspense to build, so I just dive right in. maybe its after years of being told you have to go after what you want. we have all grown up in an environment that has pushed us to be leaders and to hedge our way to the front, but maybe that isn’t the mentality that we need at this time. Maybe it is better to be in the waiting line.

Like lets say you are at a restaurant and there is a huge line and you are hungry and you think you are more hungry than everyone else in line, so you shove your ass right to the front of the line. and ya, you place your order and will eat 30 minutes before everyone, but you just pissed off a room of people and probably have some pubes in your sandwich.

Sometimes what we want is just not ready to happen. The restaurant is crowded for a reason. All the people in front of you are all meant to be there. even your aching belly, it is all apart of the picture.

All your unmet desires are playing out in some perfect way.

“have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day”.

I love the line YOU NEED TO LIVE THE QUESTION.

What we have to do is be happy with our questions - enjoy waiting.

Someday I will have the answer and the closure and all these missing elements will be woven into my life… but today isn’t that day and I have to be content with that.

And lets just say in the example before, you are waiting in line at that restaurant and instead of being a jerk you decide to talk to the stranger in line, or you pick up the newspaper, or you choose to live the moment, maybe that decision will take you through to a new place.

You are everywhere you are supposed to be. You are reading this because your day has taken you here. you called or didn’t call someone because of any number of reasons, all you can do is follow bliss in THIS second and not live for any future contentment. The contentment you need can be felt now.

“we go blind when we need to see, and this leans on me like a rootless tree.”

–Damien Rice

For so long I have loved that quote and never really understood it.

But now I think it fits with this post.

what I think it is trying to say is….

not everything in your life needs to be all figured out. And if we search for a way to make everything black or white, we go blind. Our life is really just shades of gray (sorry for the cliché… and for rhyming).

Those areas of gray ARE our lives. All the drama, the hours of contemplation and the tears, are what fill our day. This is life. It is a heavy burden to try to go around closing up all the loose ends. I say just let it all hang out. Take all the perceived imperfections of your job, your relationships, your body, your life, and just let them be.

Because you don’t need to see everything.

you can’t experience everything.

“Perfection is a question. a question for someone else. Not for me.”

So now go enjoy all the grayness of your life.

Namaste.