"should" is a funny word

Should.

you should do this. you should be that.

they should not have done this or that.

who are you to make up the should's of peoples lives!

you can only do what you can do. and you can't make or want other people do what you want them to do.

it is this pressure that we put on others to live up to our expectations that causes our unhappiness in relationships. just let people be who they want to be, and if their agenda fits into your life, and their morals are in line with yours then it is a match. stop fussing over how you wish people were different.

if you are so strong in your beliefs and can't welcome someone else's thought patterns then walk away. i don't see the point in arguing about it or trying to change them. so i just let it be.

its about YOU accepting a difference in opinion, not how you can manipulate them into being the way you want them to be.

this is all simple when its a fresh meeting between two people... but the problem is when you have already let them into your life and you let the list of should's just pile up.

"she shouldn't be such a slut"

"you shouldn't hang out with them"

"he should treat me better"

the solution: STOP BEING A VICTIM.

here is my crazy weird analogy...

lets just say your life is like a house... and you own this house, okay.

and then you let people come into your house and you chill with them and whatever.

and then someone starts pissing on your carpet. what do you do?

do you just sit there and whisper to your friends, "ummm he really shouldn't be pissing on my carpet!"

OR

do you man up and kick them out of your mother fucking house for pissing on your mother fucking carpet!

so maybe sometimes its not as severe. like if someone is in your house and breaks something, okay fine. shit happens. and people fuck up. but then next time i turn around the bitch is throwing a dish at my wall, cuz she wants to start shit and cause drama.

and I'm like bitch i don't think so!!!

get out of my house.

cuz i am not going to sit there and coach her on how she SHOULD behave in my house.

you had your chance and now i don't want you here. thank you bye bye.

very simple analogy. but really why do we let people linger around and piss on our carpet and break our shit?

we sure as hell wouldn't let them fuck with the material objects of our house, so why let them do it with our emotions.

there are people out there that will fill your house.

"don't hold on just because you think there's no one else. there will always be someone else. you've got to believe you're worth more than being repeatedly hurt by someone who doesn't really care and believe that someone will see what you're really worth and treat you the way you should be treated"

"I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet." -Mahatma Gandhi

And don't blame yourself for letting them into your house. we have to always let new people in to truly love and experience them.

"i like people too much or not at all. i've got to go down deep, to fall into people, to really know them." -Sylvia Plath

so lets not should people to death and live our lives as we want and celebrate with those that make life worth living.

"I do my thing, and you do your thing. I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you are not in this world to live up to mine. you are you, and i am i, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful." -Frederick E. Perl

love is my religion

“A human being is part of a whole, called by us the 'Universe', a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.” - Albert Einstein

widen our circle of compassion.

embrace all.

these are the two key things for FORGIVENESS.

To me forgiveness is the last step in a whole fucked up chain of bullshit. and forgiveness is the end. it is the last place a messy break up, an ugly fight, or whatever can be put to rest.

but it is also the beginning. it is the beginning of your love for them. real love. not emotional or physical love, but love that helps you see. love that embraces them and offers them compassion. because if we don't want to be a prison unto ourselves then we must look at what we are trying so desperately to keep out and knowingly let it back in.

if i reflect back on bridges burned and i think of that person and can not and will not send out genuine love to them and wish them happiness in their lives, then i have not forgiven them. fact.

sometimes it is easier to say i don't give a fuck what they do with their lives and mask that as being forgiveness. that is not forgiveness. you have only mastered a way to not dwell on it, and have missed the last step (or the first) in offering them love.

it is not outwardly love, in which you are going to march over to their house and give them a big hug. it is inner love that you are also giving to yourself and letting yourself dissolve away any ties that you are storing with that person.

yes there are still some people i am still not in a place to forgive. i still do not wish them happiness in their lives. and that is sad for me. i really wish it wasn't that way. but that is what i am working towards.

but there are people who have over the years made their way back into my heart. they don't know it. but that is not the point. forgiveness is about you!

"if a puss and dog can get together, why can't we love one another?" - bob marley

"This is my simple religion. there is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness." - Dali Lama

i wish you (whoever my readers are if there are any) the best of luck in sending out love to those that have wronged you.

you know you didn't deserve it. so now do yourself a favor and be the first to find love for them, because god knows they will need it.

you are enough

YOU ARE ENOUGH.

I can't say this to myself enough.

why do we constantly make lists?

why do we replay events (good or bad ones) over and over in our heads?

why do we dwell in the past or in the future?

why do we think that who we are in this moment isn't good enough???

We are all told to stay in the moment, and it is probably the hardest thing to do. But for me, I just repeat this mantra in my head, ....you are enough... you are enough....

cheesy. yes. does it work? yes.

Once we can stop searching for more, or clinging to what we have already accomplished (or failed at), we can see the happiness of this moment. it is the attachment we have to things other than the present is what feeds our unhappiness.

Everything you need, you already have in this moment

"Almost all our desires, when examined, contain something too shameful to reveal"

My desires to be something other than what I am right now at 12:08 on Tuesday, March 2nd are all useless. they don't bring me happiness now or later. so lets just get rid of them. and say to ourseleves WE ARE ENOUGH.

"let us live gladly! being as-we-are" - wei wu wei